As an HR professional, you’re often caught in a balancing act. You have the responsibility of managing tasks, maintaining harmonious relationships with colleagues, and adhering to your values and principles. It’s a challenging role, one that demands a careful balance between personal integrity and workplace dynamics. Many HR professionals naturally feel the need to be liked by everyone around them. However, no matter how hard we try, the reality is that not everyone will approve of us, our decisions, or our approach to work.
This innate human desire for approval can create an inner conflict. We may find ourselves second-guessing interactions, wondering whether we said or did something wrong, and even being consumed by guilt. But is this constant search for approval necessary, or is it simply holding us back from living and working authentically?
In this blog, I want to explore a liberating concept that could shift your perspective on workplace relationships: the courage to be disliked.
The Desire to Be Liked: A Natural Instinct
Our brains are wired to seek connection and approval. We instinctively want to be liked, to fit in, and to avoid conflict. As philosopher Immanuel Kant referred to it, not wanting to be disliked is a natural inclination, a desire ingrained in human nature. From a psychological perspective, it’s an impulse we all have. In fact, psychology teaches us that humans often become slaves to their desires and impulses, leading to a sense of powerlessness.
In the workplace, especially for HR professionals, this instinct to be liked can be even more prominent. We work with various departments and individuals, often acting as mediators and decision-makers. This positions us in a space where approval seems essential. However, constantly trying to please everyone can prevent us from staying true to ourselves and our principles.
Breaking Free from the Need for Approval
To find true freedom, we must resist this instinctive need for approval and recognition. But how can we break free from this cycle? The answer lies in understanding and accepting that it’s okay to be disliked.
In Adlerian psychology, it’s suggested that most interpersonal problems arise from relationships. We crave connection but, paradoxically, also seek freedom from the constraints those relationships impose. It’s crucial to recognize that while we are social beings who need connections to thrive, we cannot let the fear of being disliked govern our actions.
True freedom comes when we stop worrying about other people’s judgments. When we realize that being disliked by some is inevitable, it frees us to act in accordance with our own values and principles. This shift in mindset allows us to move beyond the constraints of external validation.
Why Being Disliked Isn’t Always Negative
Many of us are conditioned to believe that being disliked is inherently bad. We associate it with failure, thinking we’ve done something wrong. But in reality, being disliked is often a sign that you’re standing firm in your beliefs, that you are choosing to act according to your principles rather than bending to please everyone.
Consider this: Would you rather live a life where you’re liked by everyone but constantly compromise your values, or a life where you stay true to yourself and face some disapproval? Most of us, when we think about it deeply, would choose the latter. Real freedom comes from walking your own path, even if it means some people won’t like you for it.
This is particularly relevant in HR, where your decisions are bound to affect people differently. Whether it’s enforcing policies, handling conflict, or implementing changes, not everyone will be happy with your choices. And that’s okay. If your actions are guided by ethics and principles, the discontent of others becomes their concern—not yours.
The Separation of Tasks: Your Task vs. Others’ Reactions
An important concept in Adlerian psychology is the “separation of tasks.” This idea can be a game changer for HR professionals. Your task is to fulfill your professional duties ethically and responsibly, while others’ task is to react to your actions as they see fit. You don’t need to carry the burden of their reactions.
For example, you may implement a policy that is in the best interest of the organization, but not everyone will be on board. Their displeasure is their task, not yours. By focusing on what you can control—your actions, decisions, and adherence to ethical standards—you free yourself from the emotional weight of others’ reactions.
Real Freedom in the Workplace
Freedom in the corporate world isn’t about breaking away from your job or leaving an organization. It’s about finding the mental and emotional freedom to not be affected by others’ judgments. When you let go of the fear of being disliked, you can focus on what truly matters: doing your job well, living by your principles, and contributing positively to your organization.
This is particularly important in HR, where you must often balance the needs of employees, the goals of the organization, and the expectations of stakeholders. You won’t always be able to please everyone. Some may have their own agendas, and their discontent can make you doubt your decisions. But the courage to be disliked will help you stay focused on your long-term objectives.
When you work without the constant need for approval, you can achieve greater clarity and confidence. You’ll be able to make decisions based on what is right, not on what will make you popular. And while this approach may not bring instant recognition, in the long run, it leads to success and contentment.
The Cost of Freedom
Of course, none of this is to say that being disliked is easy. It’s uncomfortable and sometimes painful. But that discomfort is the price of true freedom. Once you accept this discomfort, you open yourself up to a more authentic and fulfilling way of working.
It’s important to note that this doesn’t mean you should intentionally act in ways that will make you disliked. Rather, you should aim to be respectful, fair, and ethical in all your dealings, knowing that despite your best efforts, not everyone will agree with or like you.
Living with the Courage to Be Disliked
If you find yourself constantly seeking approval in your workplace, it’s time to ask yourself: what would change if I didn’t care about being disliked? Would I make different decisions? Would I be more authentic in my role? Would I stay true to my values, even in the face of opposition?
The courage to be disliked is not about alienating yourself from others or disregarding their feelings. It’s about recognizing that your self-worth and success aren’t dependent on universal approval. When you let go of the need to please everyone, you gain the freedom to follow through on your principles, make meaningful contributions, and lead a more fulfilling professional life.
Final Thoughts: Walking Your Own Path in HR
As an HR professional, you’re in a unique position to influence the culture, policies, and people within your organization. It’s a role that requires both empathy and strength. The courage to be disliked allows you to balance these two qualities without compromising your integrity.
Remember, you are tasked with making decisions that align with both your ethical standards and the strategic goals of your organization. Some colleagues may not like the decisions you make, but if you can separate their reactions from your task, you’ll find yourself on a path toward real freedom.
So, are you ready to embrace the courage to be disliked? It’s not always easy, but it’s the key to long-term success and personal fulfillment in the workplace.
