Psychological Concepts: Narrative Therapy, Self-Esteem
Half an hour ago, Avni and Shifa had a meeting with their Reporting Manager, Dilip. Now, Avni looks dejected as she sits at her desk and stares blankly at her screen.
She questions her competence and even wonders if she deserves her job. In contrast, Shifa, who was merely observing the meeting, is furious. She saw that Dilip was on his phone when Avni was presenting her idea and kept interrupting her while she spoke. While Shifa felt that both their ideas were executable, Dilip simply disregarded Avni’s idea.
Avni, Shifa and possibly, Dilip, remembered the same meeting differently. In any event, what happens is usually only part of what we remember. Based on what we’re thinking, we pay attention to certain things.
Based on what we notice, we tell ourselves stories about what happened.
In this meeting, Avni was nervous about how she presented her ideas and thus, noticed herself.
Shifa, alternatively, paid attention to Dilip’s behavior as Avni spoke.
In the end, Rahul’s idea was accepted while Avni’s was rejected. However, all three employees have different stories about why this happened. Avni thinks it’s because her idea wasn’t good enough. Her story not only impacts how she sees this event but also her self-esteem at large. She generalizes this to say that she isn’t good enough.
Avni might benefit from hearing Shifa’s perspective who saw merit in Avni’s idea and felt that she did not get a fair opportunity to present the idea.
The stories we tell ourselves can play a huge role in how we remember events, how we explain them and how we view ourselves. As a result, they impact our psychological well-being.
Recognizing these stories, on the other hand, can help us give us a larger perspective.
To do:
- Reflect on an event that deeply impacted you.
- What is the story you told yourself about that event?
- How did this story impact your perception of yourself or others?
- Could there be a different story about that event?
For another example of such a story, read the “Cookie Thief”.
