Have you been angry in a situation where you couldn’t express it?
At work, we might be angry at a colleague who repeatedly makes the same error; we might be angry at our friend who forgot to call despite promising to; or we might even be angry with ourselves. In these situations, we might feel like acting on our anger: making an aggressive remark, throwing something or shouting at someone. While this can feel relieving, expressing our anger in such a way can be harmful towards others and even for us, in the long term.
So, how can we do better?
One way is to understand emotions better. Emotions, such as anger, show up in the body as well as in the mind. In How Emotions Are Made, Lisa Feldman argues that we feel emotions when we give meaning to bodily sensations. This means that we experience emotions in our bodies first, rather than our mind. So, if we change our bodily sensations, we could also change the way we’re feeling.
How can we use this information when feeling angry?
When we feel angry, our bodies go through several physiological changes. One of these is that our breathing becomes shallower and quicker. If you find it hard to control your anger, the simplest tool you have which is always available to you is your breath.
Remember A Simple Rule: 4-4-6.
Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds and exhale for 6 seconds.
When our breathing slows down and we exhale for a longer time, our body realizes that we no longer need to prepare to, possibly, hit someone. Deep breathing helps relax our bodies and in turn, changes our physiological state. So when you’re angry again, just remember to breathe deeply.
